Monday, September 14, 2009

Perceived Extensions of Love

I've been consumed by thoughts of the people in my life who are going through trials and are too far away to hug.

I find it strange to think that over the years I have compartmentalized people from my past. I've put some in safe places doing safe things, and some I've put in far off lands doing imaginative things. Few people are curious enough to do the later and I've found myself wrong about many in that respect. It's sad when you find out you've put someone in the wrong compartment and the life you thought they were living has turned out to be as mundane as the next.

Here is a toast to Bambi. When I was a child I watched her from my front yard as she flitted about in her beautiful peasant skirt, flirting with her bronzed shirtless boyfriend, her long shimmering blonde hair swaying with her every move. She ran off with him one day. Bambi's parents were upset and the police showed up to take a report. Soon things quieted down and a few years later she showed up in an old Impala with a couple little blonde cherubs in tow. Bambi was still as beautiful as I had remembered. She and the children stayed a few days and then they were gone.

I never saw her again until one evening I happen to be back in my hometown for some reason or another. It was cold out, I do remember that and I was meeting a friend of mine at what used to be called The Fireside for a drink. An older woman who was quite striking came over to take our drink order. She looked a bit weathered but her piercing blue eyes drew me in. I felt I knew her and told her so. When she explained who she was I felt the thrill of anticipation. I wanted to hear her stories of running off to the west coast with her man, of wandering the streets of Haight-Ashbury, of the Summer of Love, and of birthing her beautiful little tow headed flower children.

She gave me a confused look as I rambled about the life I had imagined for her and then her look turned to one of disappointment and sadness. Her reality she said, was one of scraping by on a little farm at the outskirts of town with an alcoholic husband and too many mouths to feed. That she wished they had been courageous enough to have followed their dreams but fear had kept them close to what they knew. Now we were both sad. I for telling of my childhood dreams and she for telling of her sad reality.

Today though I have put her in a different place. I have always believed that people traverse our lives for a reason. Sometimes the miracle happens in an instant and sometimes the miracle takes a lifetime or two. The extension of a kind word can inspire a change of heart and so to a change of mind. Even though there was sadness in knowing one dream had come to an end there was also the revelation of the dream to a saddened heart and the gift of hope for a new beginning.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Lesson

It is Sunday morning. I woke up feeling like I want to take a walk but before I do that I sat down and tried to find something relevant and inspirational in my Course:

The dreaming of the world takes many forms, because the body seeks in many ways to prove it is autonomous and real. It puts things on itself that it has bought with little metal discs or paperstrips the world proclaims as valuable and real. It works to get them, doing senseless things, and tosses them away for senseless things it does not need and does not even want. It hires other bodies, that they may protect it and collect more senseless things that it can call its own. It looks about for special bodies that can share its dream. Sometimes it drems it is a conqueror of bodies weaker than itself. But in some phases of the dream, it is the slave of bodies that would hurt and torture it.

The bodies serial adventures, from the time of birth to dying are the theme of every dream the world has ever had. The "hero" of this dream will never change, nor will its purpose. Though the dream itself takes many forms, and seems to show a great variety of places and events wherein its "hero" finds itself, the dream has but one purpose, taught in many ways. This single lesson does it try to teach again, and still again, and yet once more; that it is cause and not effect. And you are its effect, and cannot be its cause.

Thus are you not the dreamer, but the dream.

And so you wonder idly in and out of places and events that it contrives. That this is all the body does is true, for it is but a figure in a dream. But who reacts to figures in a dream unless he sees them as if they were real? The instant that he sees them as they are they have no more effects on him, because he understands he gave them their effects by causing them and making them seem real.

I will escape effects of all the dreams the world has ever had? It is my wish to let no dream appear to be the cause of what it is I do.

Only truth is true.
Herein lies the peace of God.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sara


My first thought for this blog was to say FUCK CANCER. You know I don't even have a picture of Sara (I found a picture buried in my yahoo attachments from her baby shower in 2006 - :o). This is a woman I spent nearly 40 hours a week with for three and a half years and I don't have a picture of her and I together.

Friday I (and several other people) received the startling news that Sara's cancer is back. I'm not sure what to do. She's doing all the right things but I can't help but want to be there in the room with her. Any room, just to be there to cheer her on. Why the hell can't this country that drips of wealth pin point the cause and find a cure for this shit? Why do so many women's bodies have to continue to be ravaged by this scourge? I wish I could stop the world and cry out my plea so that everyone had to stop and listen. We could make a concerted effort as a team, one big gigantic team of billions to say this: NOTHING ELSE MATTERS UNTIL WE FIND THE CURE! That's it. We work together doing whatever we do best to help one another so that everyone is happy and healthy while we find the answer, the cure.

Say hello to heaven folks, it's right here on earth. Why can't we, the whole of us, recognize that we are one family who are meant to love one another with our whole selves? Our Father in heaven wants our spirits to be moved to do good too and for one another. Little things are nice but we need to come together in heart, mind, and prayer to move this menacing mountain. Nothing else matters. To Him, nothing else matters.