Sara

My first thought for this blog was to say FUCK CANCER. You know I don't even have a picture of Sara (I found a picture buried in my yahoo attachments from her baby shower in 2006 - :o). This is a woman I spent nearly 40 hours a week with for three and a half years and I don't have a picture of her and I together.

Friday I (and several other people) received the startling news that Sara's cancer is back. I'm not sure what to do. She's doing all the right things but I can't help but want to be there in the room with her. Any room, just to be there to cheer her on. Why the hell can't this country that drips of wealth pin point the cause and find a cure for this shit? Why do so many women's bodies have to continue to be ravaged by this scourge? I wish I could stop the world and cry out my plea so that everyone had to stop and listen. We could make a concerted effort as a team, one big gigantic team of billions to say this: NOTHING ELSE MATTERS UNTIL WE FIND THE CURE! That's it. We work together doing whatever we do best to help one another so that everyone is happy and healthy while we find the answer, the cure.

Say hello to heaven folks, it's right here on earth. Why can't we, the whole of us, recognize that we are one family who are meant to love one another with our whole selves? Our Father in heaven wants our spirits to be moved to do good too and for one another. Little things are nice but we need to come together in heart, mind, and prayer to move this menacing mountain. Nothing else matters. To Him, nothing else matters.

Stuff....the food of the "Want Monster"

I have watched excess in my life and have been baited by it, sometimes left with a hook in my mouth. I see what excess does to those of few years and it saddens me. ~Jojean

Being a Grandma

Gage

The most awesome experience of my life to this point was witnessing the birth of my first grandchild, Gage Valentino Bastos Moreland on March 13, 2009. Gage shares his birthday with his great great grandma Waller who was born in 1907 and passed way too soon for those who loved her. She was such a mother and would have loved to wrap her arms around little Gage and give him angel kisses on his soft little cheeks.

It is remarkable to experience the circle of life right before your eyes. To fall in love so completely and without any reservation is truly a miracle. God blesses us with a babes innocence so we can remember how miraculous life truly is and what is truly important on this journey.

The Sweetest Gift

Quietly while you were asleep

The moon and I were talking

I asked that she'd always keep you protected

She promised you her light

That you so gracefully carry

You bring your light and shine like morning

And then the wind pulls the clouds across the moon

Your light fills the darkest room

And I can see the miracle

That keeps us from falling

She promised all the sweetest gifts

That only the heaven's could bestow

You bring your light and shine like morning

And as you so gracefully give

Her light as long as you live

I'll always remember this moment

-Sade

I LOVE the weekends........

Blaze had his first LaCrosse game yesterday. It’s our first experience with LaCrosse and I find it quite entertaining. Blaze played the last couple minutes on JV and his team won 14-4. It was funny though because as soon as Blaze gets in the game he gets a penalty for totally plowing in to one of the players from the other team; I swear that kid flew 10 feet.

Today is Friday; I love Friday. I’m hoping for nice weather all weekend because I have so many things I would like to get done. I figure if I make a list I will be more motivated to do them and not forget the important things.

1. Get my jewelry out of hock. √ (already got one done!!)

2. Clean my bedroom.

3. Clean off the back patio.(done)

4. De-Junk (done)

5. Buy Blaze a new LaCrosse stick.

6. Make homemade bread.

7. Recruit Michael to help change the oil in my car and….

8. Wash my car inside and out (to pay his portion of my phone bill).

9. Work-out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

10. Call all the people that I love dearly.

I have been putting off numbers 2 and 3 for quite some time so I’m not sure if I will complete these tasks as together they would actually take a full eight hour day. Baby steps.

Sunday - Finally Sparked for Spring

I love daylight savings time in the spring; I hate it in the fall. Spring being my favorite season of all time, I got up early and took a long walk with my dog Brian (Blaze was still sleeping). When we got back, Blaze was awake so we went and surprised Michael with a knock on the door and dragged him back to our house for a big homemade breakfast. Michael was in no mood to find out that the clocks had been pushed forward and wanted to go home immediately after breakfast to go back to bed. Actually that isn't the total truth. He wanted to borrow my car to drive to DC with one of his druggy friends to do God only knows what and when I refused he said he wanted to go home. It's tough being the mom of a kid who wants to take the easy way out. I was going to say the hard road but then I remember something he said to me - there is more money in selling pot and it's quicker. Obviously my argument about the cost of freedom didn't hit home. I wonder what he ended up doing the rest of the day. We had planned to go see a movie and take a run; the three of us.

Anyway, Blaze and I went up to Modell's to get some LaCrosse balls and then to Target to get some new boxers and socks, stop by Five Guys to share a small order of fries and a double bacon cheesburger. I went for another long walk with Brian and then Blaze and I went for a sprint.

Dear God, thank you for blessing me with four wonderful children. Keep them safe from harm and watch over them. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Collateral Damage: A Toast to my Family

Family. How do we define family? At one point in my life I thought my definition would never cease but as I get older I realize that it is ever evolving. Today is my niece's 18th birthday and I believe it's her father's 46th. I don't know my niece anymore but I love the little girl I used to know. Time changes people, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. Sociologist constantly argue nature versus nurture. At what age does the good nature we're born with get changed by those who have invited us into this life and nurture us with their intentions. Are we able to give only the good in us? Actions sometime speak without obvious intention.

Crossing Bridges on Saturday Night

I love Dishwalla. I think they are one of the most gifted and underrated bands of the early 21st century. "Every Little Thing You Wanted" is my ode to Michael John Dikeman, my last husband (that song says it all, the ONLY hope there ever was for us)."Angels or Devils" is my ode to Dave March (The Devil) a lover when I needed to love hard. That was a lesson and hence the song choice. He didn’t understand “the last one.........can make you cry”. And for Kevin thirty months later.."Once In Awhile", "Somewhere In The Middle","When Morning Comes (And It’s Real)".

And then there’s "Candleburn",dedicated to my daughter.